Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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