Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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