please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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