She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
