ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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