They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
