My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm really busy with my period
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