You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
worst night to have a conscience
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
