Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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