Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
