Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
