We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
