dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
