Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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