So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
