last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dick very happy bro
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