FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
