We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
