At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
