she was so not down for the gang bang
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
