He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
