We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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