My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
