If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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