....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
