Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
