they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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