So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
