I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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