So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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