So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize