She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
