yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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