That reminds me...we need to get swords
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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