he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
