: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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