How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
