I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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