My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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