Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
