Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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