i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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