No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
