I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
