Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
