You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize