Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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