Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
