FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
