Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
