oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
