new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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