the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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