No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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