we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
