i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
