I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
