so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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