Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
