So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
