Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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