her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
