So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do herpes really smell.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
