Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
