I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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