Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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