I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize