Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
