I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
