You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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