You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
