Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
