Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
