It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
