Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
