I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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