I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
