there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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