Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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