he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
