Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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