glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
